Dramatic Monologue

Scorn's Favourite Outlet, written by Courtney Olmstead

I guess you're wondering why you're here right about now.
Here, with me, in this reeking basement that smells like God knows what.
It's quite a surprise when you wake up tied tightly to a chair,
With a pair of socks bulging hard into your dry throat.
Well, I'm not gonna bullshit you, George, darling.
Catch that sarcasm?
I will cut you up, stuff you in a suitcase,
And throw those remains into the salty Pacific.
I found those letters, I hope you know.
The ones you wrote to her, you faulty bastard.
How you were going to fake your death and run away with her.
"Oh, Sara, you're the only woman I've ever loved,
Oh, you're the only one who makes me orgasm,
Oooooooh Sara, Sara"
That one really hurt, Georgio.
You think I was satisfied with our sex life?
Half the time you couldn't even stick it in the right hole,
And still, I never strayed.
Oh, what does it matter now, huh?
Come morning, you'll be at the bottom of the ocean,
And I'll be on a plane to Japan.
You know, I've always wanted to go there and shop.
Ugh, stop fidgeting, George, and don't make that noise!
If you didn't scream on account of that wretched woman's face in the morning,
Than death should be a piece of pie, tasty and filling.
You're just trying to make me feel guilty!
Shame on you, George.
You knew what I would do if I found out,
You knew, therefore, the fault belongs to you, mister.
Ergh! You make me vomit - not a nice feeling.
The blade on this knife is cold.
It's going to pierce you like a shark tooth.
Although, I'm not so sure you won't physically
Get acquainted with a shark eventually.
You know, since I'm handing you over to the sea.
Aren't I a generous murder?
I always knew you had dreams of being a marine biologist.
Now, this is gonna hurt, George, I suggest you bite down hard on that sock.
Ack! Err! Hhh!
Now that's a real bloodbath, if you know what I mean!
Oh, how I could forcefully carve a design right here
In this beautiful throat -- you shaved this morning, didn't you? -- Oh,
Don't make that God awful face,
You used to love art.
You should be proud,
Because you're murder is my new art.
Oh! I believe I've found my new favourite outlet.